First Love
by leshamarieinuyasha
Summary: It's been ten years since Kagome let go of her first love. Is it irony that she now may have to help him do the same? InuyashaXKagomeXKikyou


Decided it was time to come out of hiding and update my Inuyasha Archive. Hope you all enjoy :) Review if you can!

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha

_You never forget your first love. I've found this to be more true as the days go on. I'll never be able to let the memory go of that early August morning when I first met him. The soft expression he had on his face. The way his silver locks danced around his shoulders and cheekbones. The way the sunshine gleamed off his milk white skin. As cliche as this all sounds, the photograph my mind has taken pieces the memory back together this way._

_Ten years today was when I said goodbye to my first love. As hard as it is for me to believe, the date marked down on the calendar couldn't be wrong. I've been keeping track of our time apart since I made the decision to leave everything that had ever held dear behind. Why would I do such a silly thing is a question I often get asked. Well, sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go. As much as I had wanted to stay behind, mingle in the past, I knew he would never be mine. Not as long as she remained apart of his life._

_Sure, I was envious at first. After all, jealousy is a perfectly normal human emotion. Yes, ugly, but human. As much as I wanted to be the one he chose I knew it would never be. The two of them had history together. History that had wrongly been interrupted by a being that knew not of compassion, but of destruction and power. The prime of their romance had been cut down by a demon. A demon, once human, who let his jealousy turn him into a monster. I believe the sad story Onigumo is the reason I stepped back. I could not let my jealous feelings consume me and turn me into a beast like he had become. If anything, I just wanted the one I loved to be happy._

_ Of course I still think about what could have been. If I had stayed in the Feudal Era and lived out the rest of my life pretending to be one of them. Praying that Inuyasha might one day see me as more than just a companion. And that maybe what we felt for one another was more than just the love of family and friendship. Dwelling on the past though isn't something I can allow myself to do. I have to be able to move forward with my life and focus on the positive. _

_ What positive is there after losing the one you care for to another? Well, I still have my family. I was able to graduate from high school and get an Associate's Degree. I have a loving husband and a beautiful little girl who my entire world revolves around. Like I said before, dwelling on the past isn't something I can afford to do. At least not but once a year._

"Darling, do you know where the baking soda is?"

Closing the diary pages shut, Kagome tucks the purple binned parchment underneath her pillow once more. Placing two feet on the floor, she makes her way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Standing on one of the dinning room chairs, head stuffed into one of their kitchen cupboards, her husband clad in a pink apron, searches desperately for a missing container of baking soda. Giggling softly to herself, Kagome opens the top right cupboard and pulls out a clear container with a silver top.

"Hojo, I think I found what you've been searching for."

Waving the little container between her thumb and index finger, Hojo emerges with flour adorned cheeks. Face turning an embarrassed shade of rouge, he reaches for the baking soda gratefully.

"What would I do without you?"  
"Spend the rest of your days searching but never finding what you're looking for."

"Now do you understand why I asked you for your hand in marriage?"  
"You're too sweet."  
"How can I ever repay you."

He bends down with his lips puckered. Kagome, shaking her head softly, pecks his lips.

"Maybe you could finish cooking dinner."  
"Ah! Thanks for reminding me. I could spend all day looking into those eyes."  
"If you did that then your daughter and I would both starve. I appreciate the compliment though."  
"I only said it because it's true."

Blushing, she looks towards the door to the front porch.

"I'm going to assume that Kumiko is outside?"  
"Correct. I last saw her chasing after the cat."  
"You told her to stay away from the shrine, right?"  
"Of course, dear. I don't understand why you think it's so dangerous though."

A flash of a forgotten memory enters her mind. Both she and her younger brother Sota had been searching for their pet cat. Walking into the old shrine, calling out to the feline, Kagome is pulled down into the well by Madame Centipede. That was where her journey began. That was where she had agreed that she didn't belong.

"It just has a lot of my grandfather's old things inside it. I'd rather it be left untouched."

"If that's how you feel then I respect your decision."  
"Thanks...I'm going to go find Kumi-chan."  
"Alright, dinner should be ready within the hour."  
"If you can find everything."

Snickering as she walks out the door, Kagome spots her daughter kneeling by the tree of ages. Stepping off the porch steps, she goes to join her daughter. Tiny hands touching the rough bark of the tree, Kumiko looks up into the overwhelming abundance of leaves. Sun shinning through the branches, Kagome swallows hard as she kneels down into the soft grass bellow the towering giant. Looking back at her mother, Kumiko points to exact spot where Inuyasha had been pinned.

"Mother?"  
"What is it, Kumi-chan?"  
"Do you hear it?"  
"Hear what?"  
"That voice. It sounds like a man talking."

Heartbeat picking up its pace, Kagome listens hard for the voice her daughter insists is present. After a few moments of silence, she shakes her head slightly. It must be her imagination.

"I can't hear a thing, Kumi-chan."  
"Then you're listening wrong."

Keeping one hand against the bark, Kumiko takes her free hand and presses it against her mother's chest.

"Don't listen with your ears, mother. Listen with your heart."

Kagome, astonished by the girl's wisdom, places her hand against the bark. Closing her eyes and feeling the energy of the ancient tree around her, she listens for the voice of ages; she listens for the voice of her past.

"Kagome...Kagome is that you?"

Her heart begins to ache with the familiar sound of his voice.

"I-It's me...I'm here."  
"Keh, took you long enough."

Familiar frustration swells inside her. Did he always have to be so rude?

"Ten years and that's the first thing you say to me?"  
"Well, maybe if you hadn't run off I wouldn't be so brash."

She hadn't really left in the manor she'd expected herself to. She thought that her leaving would have been full of tearful goodbyes. Instead, she'd disappeared from their world without a single farewell.

"I can't believe you left without saying goodbye."  
"I would have been to hard. You know that."

"And not hearing from you for ten years. You thought that would have been easier?"

It's not like she hadn't suffered also. Pushing thoughts of what had been out of her life had been the most agonizing experience she had ever endured.

"It's what I thought would be best for us."  
"You idiot, running away is what you thought would be best?!"  
"I didn't want to get in between you and Kikyou!"

The truth was finally coming out.

"Get in between Kikyou and I?"  
"Yes, Inuyasha. I didn't want to make you unhappy. I knew she was the one you loved, not me. I left because I didn't want you to feel conflicted anymore."  
"K-Kagome...I didn't know."  
"Of course you didn't know. I didn't want you to know. I just wanted things to okay once the battle with Naraku with over."

Tears streaming down her face, she can feel Kumiko's hand reach up and touch her cheek. Placing her free hand over her daughter's hand, she closes her eyes once more.

"Why now, Inuyasha? Why after ten years do you finally contact me?"  
"Because I have a favor to ask of you."  
"A favor?"  
"Yes, a favor. You're the only one who can do this."  
"What kind of favor is it that you want?"

"I need you to send Kikyou."

Her heart seemingly drops into the pit of her stomach.

"Send Kikyou?"  
"Yes, I need you to set her soul free."

Hadn't Kikyou been the reason she'd left the Feudal Era in the first place? Hadn't she left so she could give the two of them a second chance at a relationship together?

"B-But why?"  
"Because I can't torture Kikyou any longer."  
"Torture her? I thought that she wanted the two of you to be together."  
"That is what she wanted. And that's what I wanted also. But her soul is unhappy in the body she is trapped in."  
"So what you're saying is..."  
"Kikyou's time was sixty years ago. The day I was pinned to that tree, Kikyou took her last breath. That was how it was supposed to remain. Her being brought back to life was a mistake. She walks amongst the living, but the truth in reality is she's dead. No matter the amount of compassion I try to share with her, she longs for the afterlife. She longs for the eternal resting place of restless spirits."  
"How long has she been like this for."  
"We where going to send her the day you disappeared."

All this time. Ten whole years that she had thought she'd been preventing suffering, she'd actually been causing more.

"I-If I send her...you know you'll never see her again."  
"I know, but it has to be done. I can't watch her go on like this any longer. I love her too much to keep her here."  
"I understand, Inuyasha. I'll be there when I can."

Removing her hand from the bark, Kagome opens her eyes once more. Looking to her daughter who is still crouched low to the ground, she touches her shoulder lightly. Wrapping her arms around her mother's neck, Kagome embraces her daughter tightly. Then, rising to her feet, both Kumiko and Kagome head back indoors. Supper waiting for them on the table, the family enjoys a quiet meal together, before settling into the living room. Hojo in an easy chair reading the paper, Mother and Daughter snuggle up to read Little Red Riding Hood before bed.

Only after Kumiko is tucked into her bed and Hojo is fast asleep, does Kagome depart for the old shrine. Opening the old wooden doors,the thick scent of must and incense swarms around her. Looking to a hook on the shrine wall, Kagome spots the priestess garb Kikyou's sister had given her upon her arrival to Feudal Japan. Changing into the traditional clothing, she places a hand on the lip of the well. Looking down to a familiar sight, she watches as a blue and white light opens up a time barrier from the present world to the past. Taking a deep breath, she takes the plunge.

Landing at the bottom of the dirt well, Kagome looks up to see the darkened sky above. Reaching for the vine that would lead her up the stone well wall, she feels a soft hand collide with her own. Feeling the appendage grasp her wrist, she knows almost instantly who is rising her up out of the pit. Standing on the lip of the well, Kagome's eyes collide with a set amber ones belonging to Inuyasha. They looked exactly as how she remembered them.

"I almost thought you weren't coming."  
"Impatient as always."  
"Well, after ten years of waiting, you tend to get that way."

The two of them couldn't help but let out a small laugh. Helping Kagome down from the lip of the well, they both walk towards the grove of trees. Looking from the sky to Inuyasha, Kagome can recall a similar night to the one they where experiencing. The stars dancing overhead, the two of them all alone, they where walking back to camp hand in hand. This was before Kagome decided their feelings for each other could never be.

"Nice night, hu?"  
"Yeah, I guess it is."  
"I'm sorry about Kikyou, Inuyasha."  
"It's not your fault. You didn't know."  
"But if I hadn't rushed off I could have at least post-pone this awful feeling."

"It would have been hard no matter what. That's what love is about."  
"Love, hew? You sound like a changed man."  
"I wouldn't say that. But I suppose I've had some time to sit with my emotions."

"And?"  
"I'm in love with someone I can't be with."

Stopping at the shrine where Kikyou's urn is kept, Kagome waits as Inuyasha goes inside to get Kikyou. Stepping outside of the hut, Kikyou and Inuyasha emerge hand in hand. Smiling at Kagome softly, Kikyou points ahead to a wide open field. Nodding, Kagome follows the two to the open greenery under sky.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"  
"I wouldn't have asked you to come here if it wasn't, Kagome."  
"B-But..."

Looking to Inuyasha, Kikyou turns and takes Kagome by the arm. Leading her over to an isolated spot, she lowers the two of them into the grass.

"Kagome, I'm going to be honest with you. When we first met, I hated you. I thought you had taken my place. I thought that you where trying to take away everything that I once held dear. And it angered me."  
"If you hate me, why would you ask me here tonight?"  
"That's the thing, I don't hate you, Kagome. Not anymore at least. When I saw what you did for Inuyasha and I, I could no longer have any feelings of hatred towards you. If anything, I was grateful. You gave me the opportunity to love again."  
"If you're grateful, why not stay."  
"Because as much as I want to be with Inuyasha. As much as I want to live life as an ordinary woman. I know this cannot be. My time has passed, Kagome. As hard as I try to feel love and compassion, I am overwhelmed by sorrow and longing. My deepest wish as a corpse is to move on."

"And I am the only one who can do that for you."  
"Yes. You see, a part of me lived in you when I was resurrected. You are my reincarnation."  
"So, you're asking me to take the part of you that was resurrected back?"  
"Exactly. If you take back the piece of me that was resurrected, I can finally rest in peace. My spirit can finally move on."

Looking into Kikyou's eyes, Kagome can see herself. It was true that she was Kikyou's reincarnation. It was true that she inherited the priestess powers. It was true that they both fell in love with the same man. But they were not the same person. They both had different goals. Kikyou wanted to move on to the next life and Kagome had a family to raise. And although their fate was intertwined with the same man, it was time to set each other free.

Walking back to Inuyasha, Kagome urges the lovers to say farewell. Inuyasha taking Kikyou into a final embrace, the two share a kiss that would seem to last from this life onto the next one. Parting slowly, Kikyou then takes hold of Kagome's hand. The two connecting hands, hearts, and minds begin to think of joining together once more. Bodies taking on a pale blue glow, a sudden burst of light shoots up into the sky with Kagome's body falling to ground below.

"Kagome!"

Rushing over to her still body, the hanyou cradles Kagome's head in his hand. Mocha eyes opening slowly, she smiles softly up at him.

"It worked. She's free now."

Tears rushing down his face, Inuyasha pulls Kagome into the tightest embrace he can muster. Whispering "thank you" over and over again, it takes all of Kagome's strength to keep herself from falling apart. So this is what love was. Being able to let the one you care for most in the world go because you just want to see them smile.

Walking over to the well, Kagome stares up into Inuyasha's eyes for the last time.

"So, this is goodbye then?"  
"Yeah, I suppose it is."  
"You know, you don't have to go."  
"I do though. I have a family waiting for me back home."  
"You couldn't bring them here."  
"My husband would never go for that."  
"It was worth a shot right?"

Up on her tiptoes, Kagome's lips graze his cheek.

"I love you, Inuyasha."  
"If you love me...why won't you stay."  
"Because you were never mine. You've always belonged to Kikyou. And even with her gone, there is nothing I can do to change that."  
"Even if I felt the same way?"  
"You see, it's not me you're in love with. You're in love with my image. And by staying here, you'll never be able to grieve. And you'll never be able to move on. I can't punish you like that."

She takes a step onto the lip of the well. Looking back, eyes full of tears, she smiles at Inuyasha for a final time. Then, jumping into the white and blue light, she disappears from his world forever.

Tiptoeing into the house, Kagome reaches her shared bedroom with Hojo. Wrapping an arm around her husband, she closes her eyes, the fingers on her free hand grazing the purple binding of the diary under her pillow.

"_If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it's yours forever. And if not, then it was never yours to begin with." _


End file.
